It’s weird to me, to think that I drove right where you had your crash, and I didn’t even know. At least six times, I have been down that long, high road, and never knew that you had your life taken from you in that exact spot. You could have slowed down, why didn’t you? Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t I tell you that I loved you? I don’t know. And I could honestly dig myself into death trying to find the answers, but I know that isn’t going to happen.
It is weird to me, knowing that all the times I drove down that road, with my mom, my brother, or my best friend… knowing that I was either listening to music, laughing or talking to someone, I don’t know… Maybe I was driving silently, maybe I was ironically thinking about you when I drove down that road? Did I drive past that 60 mile marker? Did I maybe feel something that was you telling me to look? I don’t know. I wish I knew.
I wish I could feel you like those stupid ghost hunters feel the paranormal on tv.
I wish I could feel your hands, your hugs, and your breath, just one more time. I wish I could look at your brown eyes, and tell you that I would never, in my life, imagine giving up on you.
I wish, and hope, that as I type these words, and silently speak them in my mind, that somehow, you are listening and smiling because you are wishing the same thing.
I love and miss you. Life gets harder everyday knowing that I can’t hear my best friend’s voice, but living gets easier. It’s easier because I know I am one day closer to seeing you again. It’s easier because you being gone gives me purpose to live my life; to live what you couldn’t live through.
That road is not just some road to me now… it is the road. The road that took your life, your road to heaven.